While the true definition of “douche bag” is never truly understood amongst the general populace–the basic definition is a combination of various poor attitude qualities, lack of social ability, an over-inflated sense of self worth, and ridiculous attire–one is nonetheless easy to spot.
To all douche bags: Douche-hawks, long sideburns, dress shirts (especially pink ones with white ties) tucked into jeans, rolled up sleeves, huge white belts, huge douchy belt buckles, white shoes to match your white douchy belt–These are things that were only in style for the douche bag. What I didn’t realize until today was that douches are still wearing these things! I couldn’t believe it. I saw a douche bag sporting not one, not two, but ALL of these things in tandem today. I thought that they had realized by now how truly ridiculous they look.
While sporting one of these things doesn’t automatically make you a douche (but does call into question your level of non-douchiness), using any combination of at least two of these things labels you a douche bag. Automatically. Only a person in a douchy state of mind could even fathom using two of these douchy things at once.
Douche bags, I beg of you. Stop wearing these things! It’s just to easy to make fun of you.
Dan, when Nathan and I went to the Pineapple Grill last week, this guy at the table next to us ordered a sushi roll and asked the waitress to have the chef put it in the oven for a minute, because he felt like something was wrong with eating cold sushi; he didn’t want it cooked, just warmed up a bit. We just sat there in silence listening to this douche bag single-handedly defeat the purpose of raw fish in rice. He was on a date, and I kept trying to send telepathic messages to the girl he was with… don’t marry him… don’t marry him, he’s a moron…. Not sure if she heard me.
That is HILARIOUS. What a dope. Haha.